30 Lessons I learnt as I turned 30

1.  Time Heals – there is no other way to deal with loss of a dear one. 
2.  Noone can take away your independence if you don’t allow them to – speak your mind and believe in your own strength – independence is precious!
3.  I have finally learnt the difference between ‘being friendly’ and ‘being taken advantage of’ – oh finally!
4.  Try to stop judging people – everyone has a story, everyone has a situation


5. Having an opinion is great – but having the openness to hear another opinion-assimilating it and trying to understand it – is far more valuable
6.  Listening is an under-rated quality – it can create great leaders
7.  Never say never – life throws surprises at us!
8.  Give Second chances – but not third.
9.  Respect your parents – not because they provided for you but because they made you every bit of the person you are 



10. Keep the child alive – play in the rain, skip and jump, swing away – the truly heartwarming pleasures – don’t let adulthood suffocate you
11. Let Money be the means and not the end – who makes more, who makes less really doesn’t matter – what matters is what we do with what we make – some people prefer houses, I prefer vacations!
12. Manage your own money – Cannot be repeated enough.
13. Take responsibility – for your life, for your choices and for your relationships
14. Be Adventurous sometimes – that’s gonna make for the great stories for your grandkids
15. Believe in True Love
16. But Love yourself first..



17. Marriage is not about the romance only but the companionship - Romance fades but Companionship sustains
18. Help selflessly – its a way of 'passing it on' for all those who ever helped you
19. I learnt to Have faith – in the goodness of life.
20.There is no substitute to Hardwork – talent and luck both run out without hardwork
21. Look outside for motivation and look inside for direction
22. Value gifts – not for their price/looks but for their worth
23. Friends canbe your family – choose them wisely and keep them close



24. Laughing is contagious – laugh easily and at every opportunity you get!
25. Some people outlive their role in your life, let them go and some people come back into your life, welcome them
26. Honesty is the best policy – lies lead to more lies which can lead to horrible things
27. Travelling opens your horizons like no other – but only if you are receptive
28. Learn when to keep quiet in a fight – words spoken in anger are extremely hurtful and often hard to forget
29.   Don’t follow customs without asking why – unless you feel happy doing them – then don’t judge others who ask why.

 30.   Life is too short – Be grateful for all that you have - Count your blessings often.

5 early financial decisions which helped me Follow My Dreams

I was never raised to be ‘aware’ about money and its ways. It was always about valuing relationships, morals, working for passion, achieving your potential’ and the like. Money was never really talked about – we were a middle class family and my needs as a child were more than taken care of– so neither was there a need to know.

It was only when I turned 18, and our family faced some turbulent times that I realized what a significant role money plays in our daily lives. The idealism of youth of ‘doing good for mankind’ was harshly washed away  and I was grappling with questions of ‘how to make money fast’ - so that we never had to face these times again. And this is when Mr. Robert Kiyosaki changed my life. His bestseller ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad’ introduced me to the concept of financial planning and the true meaning of financial independence. Like a good student , I read, re-read ,made notes and promised to abide by these rules till forever.

With 7 years on an average salary, I managed to save enough to experience the joys of ‘Financial Independence’ – I chased my dream of becoming an entrepreneur by bootstrapping with a co-founder for 2 years. My money, my choice – no questions asked.

As I reflect, here are the 5 things I did right which helped me :

1)  Take Charge – Most female friends and colleagues of mine, even after having superb and high-paying jobs, are still waiting for ‘someone to manage this whole savings bit’. We believe that someone else knows this better – and let me not even start on the ‘I hate Math’ excuse. This is not about Math, honey. Remember how you learnt to cook just the day you got married? Yes, exactly. The day you earn your first salary, you learn to manage it. Learn it.

Earning money is not financial independence, learning how to make your money earn for you , is financial independence.

2)  Save first and spend later – How I curse online shopping! I’m blessed (yes!) to not be a shop-aholic, but yes I know it’s almost every woman’s weakness. So as a rule, take out atleast  20% of your income and park it in another bank account. Invest in a Systematic Investment Plan which auto-debits from your account – keep the date as close as the date you get your salary. Do not fall for the ‘whatever we need we will spend and the save the rest’ philosophy. That’s not going to happen. Try it.

3)  Take Risks – So fixed deposits are a girl’s best friend, right? Not always. These will typically bring you a post-tax annualized return of 5-7% ; often lower than inflation. Play it safe with a small part of your income, but take some chances of investing in equity funds or company shares to get that extra return.  Learn about equity mutual funds and blue chip shares. In the early 20s and 30s, based on liabilities and financial obligations, one can invest 30-40% in Debt and rest 70-60% in Equity.

 4) The Secret Stash – One advice I follow till date,  given by one of my dearest aunts just before marriage, was about ‘The Secret Stash’. Make a long term investment or park your money in an account which you cannot access on a daily basis. And don’t tell anyone about it. Not until an emergency arises. At first, I felt outraged at the thought of ‘hiding’ money information from my husband and family. But as I learnt, there were times when we wanted to buy a bigger TV or a fancier gadget, but because the secret stash was out of sight, we never really dug into it. At this one time, we had a sudden tax liability on us – and we were stumped on how to pay it up so soon without taking support from parents’, family or friends. Yup, that day the Secret Stash did its job. Not only did I amaze my husband by bringing the cash to the table within 24 hours, I won over his unrelenting trust with managing money.

5)  Remember the PF – Oh how many people I know forget about the PF – either to transfer it or withdraw it. This is your investment – don’t miss out on it. PF is the one and only form of social security built for the working Indian Middle class enforced in most organizations. It’s the one evident example of the compounding effect. Giving out those tiny bits every month from your salary for years – and then you withdraw a handsome amount which is sure to make you jump with joy. Don’t forget about it – withdraw if you’re going to be out of work or transfer it without multiple reminders from HR. This could be the capital you need to take the first step towards your dream.

Once you know just the basics of how money works, there will be a newer way you see financial independence. It won’t be about the monthly pay cheque – but about making these pay cheques fund your dreams. Because after all, money is just a means. Not the end.  

Take the Plunge

With the liberty to day dream at work today, my mind wandered to all the “safely hidden thoughts in corner of the mind” asking me – what did I want my life to be?
Did I really wanna work my way up the corporate ladder – of course break the glass ceiling for women- and be part of the “big corporate” league?
Didn’t I just wanna start my own little café in Goa or maybe a “Guppa with Cuppa” kinda coffeeshop for these cold days in Delhi?
Did I wanna go out there and make an impact – start conducting financial planning seminars for women in the middle and lower middle segments of our society?
Wouldn’t it just be great to get a few years of living abroad – getting some work experience and travel the world?
Or was it even better to enjoy with your family and childhood friends in the known comfort of Delhi?
Days like these leave me disturbed and shaken – yet they make me feel alive and child-like..!
The possibility of not thinking about the monthly excel sheet is exciting (though I seriously doubt if that’s something forced on me or one of my hidden passions…)
Is it possible to do things one loves and make money of them? I wonder if it’s a paradox – how can you be unemotional about what you love to do – and how could you possibly take business decisions with your heart? Or does one? Are there really successful businesses run by heart? The cynic in me would think NO – so why not keep the two separate – go out their earn your bread with what you can do well in – and then spend your hard –earned money to enjoy what you love? That sounds fair enough..but a bit too logical and may I add – sissy!
Shouldn’t life be about LIVING out your dreams – taking the plunge and believing in the goodness of things – no one ever did anything great by just playing it safe- no pain, no gain…Think.
Is there a right time to start living your dream? When you’re stable enough – when there’s like a crore in the account or when there is a recession..:)
I need the inspiration and I’m willing to be inspired – add the bonus and take the plunge!

The devil called "Gurgaon"

Since we moved to Gurgaon one year ago,my experiences have ,on many occassions,left me with fondness and love for this chaotic, self-sufficient,buzzing city. And THEN, the monsoons stormed in....It was almost like the end of a crazy affair with the classic "Bad boy" :) The cracks (pun intended) started to show and the romance faded..
I happen to work at the DLF Cyber "traffic-out-of-control" Park ,which stands tall on your left as soon as you enter "The Millenium City"..the sight takes your breathe away, especially at night,doesn't it?! Ask those who travel ON this road daily and they will surely say it takes their breathe away too..while they struggle for 40-60 mins to cover 500 odd metres!In the name of a road,there are potholes,stones,claylike sand which gives in when its had enough,dug up footpaths and if those are not enough, one shall also have to dodge their way past rickshaws coming in the worng directions, the holy indian cow and on luckier days,Gurgaon Police Barricades!! I might sound like a overreacting helpless office-goer,but I thought writing MIGHT make me feel better as I ping-pong on those roads...
So every morning and evening, I am forced to ask myself this - Is it really worth living in this city? Well,my friends crib about Delhi traffic as much,but like another Gurgaon traffic-stricken colleague of mine explained - "You cover 50 Kms in 2 hours,I cover 10 in 1.5 hours! So atleast you're DRIVING!" :) Actually,am still waiting to smirk at my colleagues who get stuck for 2-3 hours in a jam on Delhi roads - this god-foresaken city devoids me of that pleasure time and again! I remember this one time when my husband and I decided to learn the entire lyrics of "Gal Mithi Mithi bol" after being stuck for almost 45 mins just 5 kms from our place! Well, how this explains the time we continued to be stuck is that he isn't punjabi AND happens to have the worst memory when it comes to song lyrics :) SO you can well imagine how much longer we were stuck that he learnt the entire punjabi lyrics and sang them back to me TWICE! lol!!
Yes,I have tried very hard to forgive these "small bumps", literally, in my relationship with this city - really I have,but last few days have been like the final blow - Thanks to CWG!! This is when "nasty" Gurgaon really turned "devilish" - people taking 2 hours to get to work, frantically taking U-turns from any gap in the divider ( some even created those gaps!), honking at the slightest hope to let out their frustrations, roads filled with knee-deep water and the COWS,oh man the COWS!! Now, before I sound like a firangi who finds "cows on the roads fascinating",I highlight this coz I'm not talking of a 1/2 cows every 10 kms,I'm talking cow kitty parties,cow family breakfast and dinner get togethers,cow muhallas every 2 mins! Hear this - another colleague tols me this today- so the guy in the front car is smoking while stuck in traffic with his hand leaning outside the window - a cow snatches his cigarrete away! I mean,tell me, now we have mummy cows telling us what to do in traffic?!
The point is I want to know why this city doesn't get all that it deserves ,why inspite of all the "creme de la creme" restaurants in town, the "largest" mall in NCR etc etc is Gurgaon still a feared and disrespected city? Inspite of the largest of MNCs here (thats another blog on who suggested these companies to move to this mad place,in the first place!) and more than 50% of the state revenue coming from Gurgaon,why this step daughterly treatment?!
I feel tired of blaming our political system,corruption,bureaucracy etc etc.. I just want to find a solution for my selfish self,well for now I guess venting it out will do me good :) Don't you feel these feelings that I do ;)

Few days ago on my long drive to work,I was listening to one of the many shows on the radio which ask you to call in with your opinion. Generally,I enjoy being a passive listener to people's views and the RJ's very prepared arguments!Somehow that day's debate got my attention. It was about a statement made by Vice-Chief of Air Staff, Air Marshal P K Barbora about considering women as fighter pilots as a bad investment. It was interesting to hear most women agree with the statement due to practical problems and on the contrary a few men saying that it wasn't a valid statement.Personally,I felt it was like limiting a person's choice due to their gender.Why do we assume that all women would get married and want to have a kid within a few years? Infact I felt that women who would go in for such a career knew what they were getting into! My only contention is that such a judgemental and generalist stand could hamper the future of a passionate young girl somewhere...The focus is so much on how the woman has to take care of her baby and cant pursue a tough career etc etc but not ALL of us choose that path! All of us have our own limits...one woman wants to be a teacher,one would go ahead and choose a deskjob,one a sales job and probably another one would go to godforsaken villages for her passion!!Every person has the freedom of following their passion..definitely there would be lesser women in some fields,but for the few who want to make it at any cost,this kind of a statement seems discouraging and clearly discriminatory.

Our first house

After months of looking for that perfect place in Gurgaon,we finally found what ALMOST fit the bill (literally). Along the way,we both found ourselves adjusting to reality-budgets guided most part of our decisions,followed by convenient location and safety. Several times we walked into an apartment and thought that we had found THE one,but unfortunately these didnt fare well on our list of "must haves"...We found ourselves discussing and rediscussing the same issues again and again..should we go with our dream or should we go with the practical..should we look for a bigger place or should we look for a better location..after hours of brainstorming,we would even come to -should we move at all,hehehe! Yesterday,I found our perfect analogy ironically in our own new house - 2 young pigeons,with tiny wings who sit outside our bedroom window...young,scared,maybe ready to fly...that was just like us :)
A new phase has begun..I find myself scared of the change sometimes-will I be able to cook,will I be able to manage the house help,would it be too lonely without family... Guess change always has that effect-tests your nerves...